Knightmare parody of 'You Can Call Me Al' by Paul Simon


A man walks down the path
He says, Why have I stopped in the tunnel now?
Who is this guy in the tunnel?
The rest of my team must think hard
I need a motto or aphorism
I wanna spy on a henchman
Don't wanna end up a failure
Only yards from Treguard

Phone digger, phone digger
Flaws come to light
Staff o' mage broken in four
Mr Rothberry, Rothberry
Gave this mace away to me, you know
I don't sell the stuff I'm using any more

If you beat the playing cards
I can be your long-lost friend
I can call you Barry
And Barry when you call me
You can call me Gwen

A man walks to a seat
He says, Why don't I talk to a dragon?
Got a short little chat with a dragon
And whoa, my quest is so long
Where am I, friends & family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my spell teacher?
Now that my spell teacher is gone, gone
He ducked back down the tavern
For some hokey-pokey with a serving girl
All along, along, you were kissing an Atlantean
Those are nasty allegations...

If you beat the playing cards
I can be your long-lost friend
I can call you Barry
And Barry when you call me
You can call me Gwen
Call me Gwen...

A man zooms down the path
It's a path in a strange level
Maybe it's the third level
Maybe it's the wrong way around
Doesn't seek the grandeur
He chose the hammer, see
Here is an older man
He sees a troll come through the ground, the ground
Battle in the starting place
Panicking the awful genie
He knocks it down, and down
It goes plunging from the antechamber
Pinning down the enemy
Who says "Hey, men - help me you lot!"

If you beat the playing cards
I can be your long-lost friend
I can call you Barry
And Barry when you call me
You can call me Gwen
Call me

Na na na na, na na na na
Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na
Na na na na, na-na na-na na na
Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na

If you beat the playing cards...
I can call you Barry...
If you beat the playing cards...
I can call you Barry...


Original lyricsaudio


A man walks down the street
He says, Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard

Bone digger, bone digger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr Beerbelly, Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me, you know
I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says, Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
And whoa, my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my role model?
Now that my role model is gone, gone
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along, along, there were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me Al...

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Third World
Maybe it's his first time around
Doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the sound, the sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says "Amen!" and "Hallelujah!"

If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me

Na na na na, na na na na
Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na
Na na na na, na-na na-na na na
Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na

If you'll be my bodyguard...
I can call you Betty...
If you'll be my bodyguard...
I can call you Betty...


Back