Knightmare parody of 'You Can Call Me Al' by Paul Simon Another difficult song choice, but I couldn't get the idea out of my head! This one is all about Barry's famously popular quest at the end of Series 7, referencing such scenes as his encounter with Brother Strange (a monk who collects proverbs), collecting pieces of Grimaldine's staff, getting a rare freebie from Rothberry the apothecary, Hordriss neglecting his magic class to spend time with Marta (who was really Lissard in disguise), the perilous Play Your Cards Right puzzle, and Barry choosing a troll hammer to save Knightmare Castle instead of his own quest object. The chorus was inspired by his amusing conversation with the witch queen: Greystagg: "You may call me in times of trouble. My calling name is Gwen. Three times you must call to bring me – and I shall call you in the same manner. What is your calling name?" Dungeoneer: "...Barry." Parody lyrics A man walks down the path He says, Why have I stopped in the tunnel now? Who is this guy in the tunnel? The rest of my team must think hard I need a motto or aphorism I wanna spy on a henchman Don't wanna end up a failure Only yards from Treguard Phone digger, phone digger Flaws come to light Staff o' mage broken in four Mr Rothberry, Rothberry Gave this mace away to me, you know I don't sell the stuff I'm using any more If you beat the playing cards I can be your long-lost friend I can call you Barry And Barry when you call me You can call me Gwen A man walks to a seat He says, Why don't I talk to a dragon? Got a short little chat with a dragon And whoa, my quest is so long Where am I, friends & family? What if I die here? Who'll be my spell teacher? Now that my spell teacher is gone, gone He ducked back down the tavern For some hokey-pokey with a serving girl All along, along, you were kissing an Atlantean Those are nasty allegations... If you beat the playing cards I can be your long-lost friend I can call you Barry And Barry when you call me You can call me Gwen Call me Gwen... A man zooms down the path It's a path in a strange level Maybe it's the third level Maybe it's the wrong way around Doesn't seek the grandeur He chose the hammer, see Here is an older man He sees a troll come through the ground, the ground Battle in the starting place Panicking the awful genie He knocks it down, and down It goes plunging from the antechamber Pinning down the enemy Who says "Hey, men – help me you lot!" If you beat the playing cards I can be your long-lost friend I can call you Barry And Barry when you call me You can call me Gwen Call me Na na na na, na na na na Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na Na na na na, na-na na-na na na Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na If you beat the playing cards... I can call you Barry... If you beat the playing cards... I can call you Barry... Original lyrics – audio A man walks down the street He says, Why am I soft in the middle now? Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard I need a photo opportunity I want a shot at redemption Don't want to end up a cartoon In a cartoon graveyard Bone digger, bone digger Dogs in the moonlight Far away my well-lit door Mr Beerbelly, Beerbelly Get these mutts away from me, you know I don't find this stuff amusing any more If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long-lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty when you call me You can call me Al A man walks down the street He says, Why am I short of attention? Got a short little span of attention And whoa, my nights are so long Where's my wife and family? What if I die here? Who'll be my role model? Now that my role model is gone, gone He ducked back down the alley With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl All along, along, there were incidents and accidents There were hints and allegations If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long-lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty when you call me You can call me Al Call me Al... A man walks down the street It's a street in a strange world Maybe it's the Third World Maybe it's his first time around Doesn't speak the language He holds no currency He is a foreign man He is surrounded by the sound, the sound Cattle in the marketplace Scatterlings and orphanages He looks around, around He sees angels in the architecture Spinning in infinity He says "Amen!" and "Hallelujah!" If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long-lost pal I can call you Betty And Betty when you call me You can call me Al Call me Na na na na, na na na na Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na Na na na na, na-na na-na na na Na na na na, na na na na-na na-na na If you'll be my bodyguard... I can call you Betty... If you'll be my bodyguard... I can call you Betty... Back