Knightmare parody of 'Hotel California' by The Eagles


On a dark winter Friday
Schoolchildren prepare
Warm welcome, advisors
Conjured out of thin air

"Now the Helmet of Justice
To stop you losing your mind"
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to go in there blind

There I stood in the doorway
I heard the dungeon rules
And I was thinking to myself
There could be dragons or there could be ghouls

Then he turned to the portal
And he showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the castle of confusion
Such a LOVELY place (Such a lovely place)
Such a LOVELY chase
Plenty of doom at the castle of confusion
Any time that Fear (Any time that Fear)
Kills a dungeoneer

His magic's evil and twisted
He got the monsters he sends
He got a lot of pretty spiffy toys
So who needs friends

How he laughs as the Dreadnorts
Leave them all dead
Some choose to dismember
Some choose to behead

So I called up the jester
"Please help with the mine"
He said: "We haven't used that method here
Since 1989!"

And still those voices are calling
From far away
When you're stuffed 'cos a riddle wasn't right
You can hear them say...

Welcome to the castle of confusion
Such a LOVELY place (Such a lovely place)
Such a LOVELY chase
No winnin' the Cup at the castle of confusion
What an awful price (What an awful price)
For your bad advice

Mogdred on the ceiling
The entrance on the right
And he said: "Now I hold you prisoner here
With a catacombite!"

And in the antechamber
They're gathering their wits
We jab it with a lady's glove
But it just won't fall to bits

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before

Alas, this is Knightmare
They are programmed to attack
You can check out any room you like
But there's no turning back!


Original lyricsaudio


On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night

There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell

Then she lit up a candle
And she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted
She got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends

How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget

So I called up the Captain
"Please bring me my wine"
He said: "We haven't had that spirit here
Since 1969!"

And still those voices are calling
From far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (What a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis

Mirrors on the ceiling
The pink champagne on ice
And she said: "We are all just prisoners here
Of our own device"

And in the master's chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can't kill the beast

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before

Relax, said the night man
We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave!


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