Note: If any Italian speakers can help with deciphering / translating what the man says to his colleagues, please get in touch – many thanks!

MacPhisto: "Ciao, miei cari bambini."

Crowd: [cheer]

MacPhisto: [sings] "Olé, olé olé olé! Olé, olé! Olé, olé olé olé! Olé..."

Crowd: [singing] "Olé!"

MacPhisto: "That's a good one. Football!  It's like a religion to you people of Roma. Am I right, or am I wrong?"

Crowd: "Right!"

MacPhisto: "I wonder how the Holy Father feels about that. What team does il Santo Padre support – Lazio? Or AS Roma?"

Crowd: [shouting and chanting]

MacPhisto: "Shall I give... shall I give il Santo Padre a call and see which team he supports? Shall I call him, on the telephone?"

Crowd: "Yes!"

MacPhisto: "Alright then... I shall. I believe he's at the villa... Castela Angelo, something. Sant'Angelo. He's there for the summer, you know."

[dials]

MacPhisto: "Shhh!"

MacPhisto: [sings] "I just called to say I love you..."

MacPhisto: "Hello?"

Man: "Castel Sant'Angelo."

MacPhisto: "Hello, is that the Castel Sant'Angelo?"

Man: "Yes. Pronto."

MacPhisto: "Mi scusi – mm, do you speak any English?"

Man: "No, purtroppo no. Pronto!"

MacPhisto: "Well... do you speak any Irish?"

Man: "No, no, no, so l'italiano."

MacPhisto: "I would like to speak to il Santo Padre, if that's at all possible."

Man: [speaks Italian – inaudible]

Crowd: [laughter]

MacPhisto: "I, I, I'm, I'm just calling, really, because I hear he's not well..."

Man: "Chi gli parla inglese? Chi parla inglese? [inaudible] Just a moment, please."

Crowd: [laughter and applause]

MacPhisto: [sings] "You keep me hang--"

Woman: "Hello?"

MacPhisto: "Hello."

Woman: "Yes?"

MacPhisto: "How are you? My name is Mr MacPhisto..."

Woman: "Mmm?"

MacPhisto: "...and I'm enquiring as to the health of the Holy Father."

Woman: "Uh... you, you would like to have, erm, a ticket?"

MacPhisto: "Well, what it is, is – actually I have a much more serious question. I have a friend, who'd like--"

Woman: "Yes?"

MacPhisto: "I have a good friend of mine, who'd like to have-- seek a personal confession from the Holy Father."

Woman: "Um... y-you... there is a mistake, this is, um, this is, um, another, mm... oh, another place, you have to do another number. This is, err, Castel Sant'Angelo monument, so, mm... we, we can't help you. You have to do, um, another-- you have to dial another number."

MacPhisto: "Well, could I leave a message?"

Woman: "It could be helpful to dial the number of Vaticano, so you can... to, to do, to... to try to..." [laughs apologetically]

MacPhisto: "You people of Roma, you're so very kind."

Woman: "Yes, we--"

MacPhisto: "You're-- you're so kind. I'd just like to leave a message. I'd just like to leave a message: my friend, Mr Andreotti..."

Crowd: [laughter, cheers and applause]

MacPhisto: "...would like to seek the personal confession of the Holy Father. He's a lot to say. It won't take too long."

[Ultra Violet begins]

MacPhisto: [sings] "Sometimes I feel like I don't know, sometimes I feel like checking out... I've got to get it wrong... can't always be strong... and love it won't be long..."