Note: I'm stumped as to the "Prince" joke that Dame Edna and MacPhisto share near the end, so I'd really appreciate it if anyone could clue me in on the reference!

MacPhisto: "Thank you! Thank you very much. Welcome to the young people of Melbourne."

Crowd: [cheer]

MacPhisto: "I'd like to introduce you to my band. On my... right: the funky one, Reggie the Dog to his friends. In the blue corner: a fine young man... the cat who got the cream – Adam Clayton, take a bow!  And right behind me... a feast for Boy George, Larry Mullen Junior!  I keep telling them not to be afraid of show business. How do you feel about this little spectacle we have behind us here tonight?"

Crowd: [cheer]

MacPhisto: "That's what it's all about, you know – shoes and hats." [shows off platform boots] "Everybody's into rock 'n' roll now. Lady Diana's into it now. And I think the finest wearer of a hat must be the Queen Mum, ladies and gentlemen. What do you think happened on Channel Seven when they reported the old dear not with us any more?!"

Crowd: [laughter]

MacPhisto: "She's a personal friend of mine... and often I keep in touch, so shall I give her a telephone call?"

Crowd: [cheer]

[dials]

MacPhisto: "It's a satellite type of a job."

Woman: [inaudible answer]

MacPhisto: "Hellooo...?"

Woman: [inaudible] "Just a sec, one minute!"

Different woman: "Hello?"

MacPhisto: "Hello, I'd like to speak to the Queen Mother, please."

Woman: "...Hello?"

MacPhisto: "Hello, I'd like to speak to the Queen Mother, please."

Woman: "I'm sorry, darling, you must-- who is this? You have the wrong number."

Crowd: [laughter and cheers]

MacPhisto: "My--"

Woman: "This is Dame Edna here!"

MacPhisto: "Dame Edna!"

Dame Edna: "Yes!  Who's this?"

MacPhisto: "Oh, I've found Australian royalty!  I'm very... I--"

Dame Edna: "Are you ringing from overseas?"

MacPhisto: "Oh – my name is Mr MacPhisto, and I'm terribly worried about the old girl – I was wondering if anyone had any news as to her health."

Dame Edna: "Ohh. Are you the popular singer?"

Crowd: [laughter]

MacPhisto: [caught off-guard] "Um, yes..."

Dame Edna: [laughs] "I can't believe this, Mr MacPhisto, because it's a spooky coincidence – I'm having 'lemon' meringue pie at this moment!"

Crowd: [laughter and applause]

Dame Edna: [laughs]

MacPhisto: [laughs] "The, uh-- oh, I'm-- I'm, I'm taken aback, actually, at your..."

Dame Edna: "Don't be too taken aback, darling. It's lovely to hear you – I'm a big fan!"

MacPhisto: "Oh, my goodness. We were wondering if – god forbid – if anything should happen to the Queen Mother, would you be in line for promotion?"

Crowd: [laughter]

Dame Edna: "Well, I-- god forbid it would, but the little Queen has said that I'm a second mother to her. And... if any problems arose, I'd be willing as e-- the only trouble is, Mr MacPhisto, if you're too close to the Royal Family, you can get photographed from some very awkward angles!"

MacPhisto: [laughs]

Crowd: [laughter]

Dame Edna: "But you're a naughty boy – how did you get my secret number?"

MacPhisto: "Well, when you're very, very famous, people get you the most, most exciting phone numbers."

Dame Edna: "Well, look, the only people who've got my number are Mick Jagger, the Queen, and that little... er... what's his name, [inaudible]?"

MacPhisto: [stifling a laugh] "...Uh, you do mean the Prince?"

Dame Edna: "Yes."

MacPhisto: "Haha!  Well, you know... we don't need any more princes when we have a princess like you, and... I'd like to sing you a song, Dame Edna."

Dame Edna: "I'd love to have a song sung to me!  What is it?"

MacPhisto: [sings] "God save our gracious Dame, long live our noble Dame, God save our Dame!  Send her victorious!  Happy and glorious!  Long to reign over us... God save our Dame!"

Crowd: [applause]

MacPhisto: "THANK YOU!"

[Lemon begins]

Dame Edna: "Thank you, darling!"

MacPhisto: "We love you!"

Dame Edna: "I'm going to ring you from the stage at MY show in Melbourne, on the 14th of December!"

MacPhisto: "I'll be waiting!"

Dame Edna: "Goodbye!"

MacPhisto: "Goodbye!"