MacPhisto: "Jolly good." [claps] "Thank you. Thank you. Look what you've done to me. You've made me very famous and I thank you. I know the young people of Christchurch like their pop stars to be exciting, so I bought these." [shows off platform boots] "Call me old-fashioned, but... I think they're a glamorous item, do you agree?"

Crowd: [cheers and whistles]

MacPhisto: "Now, if I could just stay up in them!"

Crowd: [laughter]

MacPhisto: "Well, call me old-fashioned, but I don't like things to change. I rather like things to stay the same, I like the old status quo – what about you? Yes, the old things are the best. All this change is so confusing. You've been having a lot of changes round here, haven't you? Poor old Mike Moore!"

Crowd: [laughter, shouts and whistles]

MacPhisto: "You must all be so upset. Why do people always want change? All these new government people. Now you want MMP, not FPP!  What difference does it make?!"

Crowd: [whoops and whistles]

MacPhisto: [laughs] "I have a friend here, he doesn't like change at all. He believes the old ways are the best. Yes. He's a man who believes in family values, law and order... do you know my friend John Banks?"

Crowd: [boo]

[Man in crowd: "Oh, fuck, I love John!" (laughs)]

[Woman in crowd: "What? Who's he?"]

MacPhisto: "Shall I give him a telephone call?"

Crowd: [cheer]

[Woman in crowd: "Who's he?"]

MacPhisto: "Oh, they love them here."

[Woman in crowd: "Who's John Banks?"]

MacPhisto: "Mm... mm, John. I love you..." [inaudible] "Now, let me see – where is this bloody Beehive?!"

Crowd: [laughter]

[dials]

MacPhisto: [sings] "Keep me hanging--"

Man: "Deputy to the..."

MacPhisto: "Hel--"

Man: "...Chief Executive. Um--"

MacPhisto: "Hello, I'd like to speak to John Banks, please."

Man: "I'm sorry, Mr Banks is not here at the moment."

MacPhisto: "Um, no, I'm sorry, um... I... my name is Mr MacPhisto, and I'd like to speak to John Banks, please."

Man: "Well, Mr Banks is not here in the building. He'll be home in bed."

MacPhisto: "Mr Banks is at home in bed?"

Man: "Yes – it is-- it is 11:30 at night, sir!"

MacPhisto: "But I thought Mr John Banks was always available to the people of Christchurch."

Man: "If you ring him at his home, he is, he'll be there!"

MacPhisto: "Shall I give him a little call at home?"

Man: "Yes. That'd be a good idea."

MacPhisto: "Alright, I'll just do that! Thank you!"

Man: "Okay, bye."

Crowd: [cheers and whistles]

MacPhisto: "You know, I think I do have his telephone number. Let's just see."

[dials]

MacPhisto: "That's four-three-seven, five thousand!" [laughs] "They always give you their telephone numbers when you get rich and famous."

Man: "Hello."

MacPhisto: "Hello, I'd like to speak to John Banks, please."

Man: "No. Sorry, not home."

MacPhisto: "I was just-- I just rang the House of Parliament and they said he was at home in bed!"

Man: "Why not? That would make sense."

MacPhisto: "It would make sense to have him at home in bed. But I actually have-- I'm just here with a few friends, and the subject of law and order came up, and... we know he's an expert, and... actually we just, we called to leave a message for Mr Banks. Would you pass it on to him?"

Man: "What's the message?"

MacPhisto: [sings] "I just called to say I love you..."

[man hangs up]

MacPhisto: [sings] "I just called to say how much I care..."

[Lemon begins]