Note: I would be grateful if any Japanese speakers could either confirm or correct my transcript of the automated telephone message!

MacPhisto: "Thank you. Oh. Daddy always pays. Look what you've done to me. Tokyo, look what you've done to me! You've made me very famous and I thank you. Now, I know you like your pop stars to be glamorous so I bought these. Do you like them?"

Crowd: [whistles and applause]

MacPhisto: "You should, you know. Don't you think rock 'n' roll has come a long way? Yes? I do. And it's taken its toll, let me tell you. On this very tour we've had four marriages, fourteen divorces, fifteen babies born, twelve people got arrested, we've sacked five people, and one crew member left the entourage to become a Franciscan monk! THANK YOU!"

Crowd: [cheers and applause]

MacPhisto: "We've met some fine people along the way, and... where would we be without our closest friends, and, um... before I make a telephone call to my closest friend, I'd like to introduce you to my band! On the right here we have Reggie the Dog – The Edge! On my left we have the cat who got the cream, Adam Clayton... [inaudible]. Standing behind me, Boy George's wet dream, Larry Mullen Junior!"

Crowd: [applause]

MacPhisto: "Now, if you'll excuse me, as... I'm rather tired, I'd like to call... somebody I've gotten very close to since I came to Tokyo."

[dials]

MacPhisto: "Hello? I'd like to speak to Madonna."

Crowd: [cheer]

Recorded message: "Gogo jū-ji jū-byō o oshirase shimasu."

MacPhisto: "Hello? I'd like to speak to Madonna!"

Recorded message: "Gogo jū-ji ni-jū-byō..."

MacPhisto: "This is Mr MacPhisto here! ...Hello? ...Hello?"

Recorded message: "Gogo jū-ji san-jū..."

MacPhisto: "HELLO...?"

[Lemon begins]